Monday, March 21, 2011

An introduction

I feel I need to introduce myself as fully as possible.

I am Anomie Nadir. A pseudonym to be sure. It means, for those who have not taken a course in sociology and don't remember many words from the SAT Anomie Nadir would mean "the lowest point of being alone". Or at least, that is how I take it. It could be taken two ways, feeling completely alone and in a crowd, or feeling so interconnected to everyone around you you couldn't possibly be alone. I feel both ways. I recently have been feeling more of the latter and less of the former. Here's why.

I have discovered the Slenderman.

Let me explain. I am an internet junkie and I had encountered the mythos before. I only recently began to see Slenderman in my dreams. This could be for two reasons: one, outside stimulus penetrating into my subconscious or two, I'm finally recognizing who a reoccurring character in my dreams is. Either way, I see him, but only in my dreams.

I have not seen Slenderman outside of my dreams, nor do I expect to. I believe he's been there for a very long time now, and has only recently begun to feature prominently. As a note, when I say dreams I mean nightmares. I have nightmares at least once a week, and in times of stress two or three. I have always had nightmares, but they only became more frequent when my neurologist upped my dose of lamitrogine to combat my seizure disorder. I am an epileptic, so you know. I've had seizures since I was 13, but about 2 years ago I got them under control. Before that, I had them every 3 months or so.

The seizures were short, but the effects lasted several days. After a seizure I would either fall into a deep and dreamless sleep or get up and try to walk around. I gave a dorm full of people quite a scare when I walked into their room (complete strangers) and told them my roommate locked me out of my room. I only know this because my RA came to my door a little later to ask if I was alright. I think they believed I was on drugs. Can't say I blame them, post seizure conversations rarely are logical. Except when I used the computer to tell the paramedics the date in the computer lab. They told me I cheated, and I told them I didn't. The next day my entire body would be sore. If you aren't familiar with the mechanism of a seizure, all of your muscles tense uncontrollably. This lasts for anywhere from seconds to minutes. The longest seizure I ever had was 3 minutes. It took me a week to recover. Sometimes these seizures would happen and the only way I knew I had them was because I was sore the next day. Epilepsy is an odd thing, quite interesting to observe, as I've been told, but seriously irritating to have.

The medicine I take is lamitrogine. Lamitrogine is both an anti-psychotic and an epilepsy treatment. Anything that messes with your brain function is prone to cause nightmares. The question is the severity. Mine are not very severe. Instead of being full night terrors, like some medications can cause, they are fairly mild. They usually consist of me being in a place I frequently am, school or the like, and it is a completely different place. I know where I am, but the place is so alien. My school develops a sort of mall underneath it, and the hills on campus have become even more unbearable. I call this these areas "strange places at home".

In reading the slenderman blogs, I have discovered that slenderman has his own dimension. I haven't been able to get a good read on this dimension, but it seems that the people who have been in it consider it a parallel to ours. I think this dimension is what I am visiting in my dreams. I can't explain why, but I know it somehow.

I have only encountered Slenderman directly once in this dimension. He was by the sociology building on my campus as I came out of section of the underground mall. He was looking at me with his eyeless face and I heard a voice that sounded like it was coming from a ham radio. It said simply "I can't see you". And this repeated over and over getting more faint through the static. I woke up with the normal malaise I have after having a nightmare, but I wasn't scared. Nightmares don't scare me usually. They, instead, just make me feel uncomfortable. Usually in the sense of a mild stomachache, but a cup of coffee and some sort of food usually puts that to rest.

I generally do not consider these dreams prophetic. I have only ever had one directly linking to reality and that was when a roommate of mine, whom I hated, stabbed me in the back (figuratively, of course) the morning after the dream. I dreamed that a snake she owned bit me and she wouldn't call the ER. I wasn't surprised. It was a long time coming really. The old saying goes "don't play with fire or you'll get burned". Messing with her was like messing with a live grenade, it was bound to blow up in my face eventually, it was only a matter of time.

I intend this blog to be about myself and my connection to slenderman. If I really am going into his dimension when I dream then I believe that some of the information I gather can help you. As a reminder, I am not a runner, nor a hunter, nor a reverent, nor a proxy/maskie/puppet/indoctrinate. I am me, I have not seen slenderman in real life, and if my interpretation of his message is correct, he cannot see me. This could mean in his dimension, or in our world.

Whatever that means, I am safe for now.

Ask me any questions you like, I will answer with a blog post. Other than posts answering questions the posts will be about dreams. If you don't want to ask questions in the comments in order to remain anonymous, you can e-mail me at and I will answer them in a blog post as well, but with no name attached.

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