I'm going to the forest

Tonight, I will be going into the woods to meet the rat.

When I woke up this morning I discovered that Lemminkaenen was no longer with me. I didn't hear him in my dreams as I lay nearly incapacitated in my bed yesterday.

I now know why.

I can't bring myself to be angry that he did what he did, I know he meant well. If anything, that proved that he genuinely wanted me to make my own choice.

Unfortunately I cannot take the path that he wanted me to take. I don't want to bear this burden anymore. I need to go into the forest and I need to meet the rat. I want this information gone and the rat can do that.

Micah is dead, Lemminkaenen sleeps, and I no longer want to know.

Goodbye.

Anomie

I promised when we met that I would never possesses you.

I must break my promise.

I cannot let you do this without begging you to reconsider. I hear everything you think, and I know what you plan to do. Please do not do this. Whatever he can offer it isn't worth it. We must all bear our burdens. Yours is lamentably heavy, but you are the one that must bear it and warn them. You may fail, but you must not give up.

You think you're weak, but you can be strong. I know everything you know and I've seen your strength. You must do what the others couldn't. You have that power.

As soon as I'm done typing this I will leave you forever. I was weakened so much when I saved your spirit, and this is draining the final bit of strength I have to remain in this world. I will return to the land of the sleeping and wait. I know that if you go through with this terrible plan I will never see you again.

Don't lose hope or spirit Anomie. However heavy your burden, one day you'll realize it was worth it if you carry that load.

This song expresses my feelings better than I can. Please don't go.



-Lemminkaenen

He's Out There

I've seen him hanging out across from my house. He kept circling the block thinking I didn't see him, but I did. I haven't been checking my e-mail or twitter as much as I used to, I'm just too tired and feel so horrible most of the time that I can't bring myself to bother. But I just found this in my inbox.

From Jun 9, 2011

I hadn't seen him for 2 days and I thought he was gone. Apparently he somehow knows where I used to skip rocks with my friends. He's waiting there now. I suppose he got tired of walking constantly to keep the neighborhood parents from wondering who that weird man was.

I'm so numb I'm not even scared. I'm not even angry. I don't feel much at all, honestly.

The shakes

I feel the shakes coming on again.

I had a seizure last night. I had a seizure the night before. But last night, last night was much worse.

I passed through the door of my own volition, for the first time ever. I walked to the spot where Micah used to stand waiting. He wasn't there. As I walked closer to the house, I saw that the stoop was covered in blood and what I think was guts. I heard something running, and saw a white streak coming for me. Somehow Lemminkaenen was able to follow and blocked the white thing just in time. He took the killing blow that was meant for me. We were ejected back into the corridor. I don't think he was mortally wounded. Can the dead die? He let me drift into the third world, where I had dreams of those I most love trying to kill me, telling me that I'm an abomination and a stain on them.

There is a man on the corner across from my house. He stands there intermittently, and keeps walking around the block to be less conspicuous. You think I don't notice, but I do. With your stupid headphones and your beady black eyes. You want me to meet you, don't you? It's looking more and more promising.

I don't want to know these things. I don't want to know a dead man who can stop supernatural entities. I don't want to be responsible for the death of a man who reached out to me. I'm no savior, no conveyor of the truth. I'm an abomination, I don't want this anymore.

I'm shaking. There's another one coming tonight. I'm already so weak. I'm already in pain. Why? Why can't I rest?