Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A blank dream

I didn't dream last night. At least, not in full. I have a vague recollection of a conversation with myself. I sometimes have them when I'm awake as a way to work out problems, either when I'm writing a paper or when I'm trying to focus on dream recovery. I tend to talk in my sleep, it's usually nonsense. I can't remember a time when I didn't do it. I used to sleep walk when I was very young as well, but that stopped. I think I started talking more when I started on the high dose of lamitrogine (450mg, the maximum therapeutic level). Again, anything that messes with your brain tends to have interesting side effects. Sometimes I can remember what I say, but that's often only when I have someone else in the room to clarify exactly what it was that I said. Other than that instance, I traditionally only have the memory of feeling my vocal chords vibrate in my throat and some sort of syllables.

The only thing I could think of when I woke up were some lyrics from "Fall of Adam" by Marilyn Manson:

"When one world ends
something else begins
but without a scream
just a whisper because we
just start it over again"

I am firmly of the belief that where I go when I sleep is a different dimension. I really want to call it "The Twilight Realm" but I think that has more to do with me being a Zelda fan (or my unfortunate obsession with Taylor Lautner). It isn't really a world of perpetual twilight, but when I'm there it always seems to be sunset or dusk. I have this urge to contact "spazz" again. I think if I can contact what I will call an "animated" in the dream world I might find out something about what the world really is. I know that what I will call "placeholders" can't give me any information. I think they are only shadows of real people who are slated to join the world in the future. Even still, the world is extremely under populated. there have been dreams where I haven't encountered any placeholders. I'm really not sure why, maybe that's something I can ask spazz about.

The unfortunate thing about my dreaming is that I'm rarely lucid. I can only recall once where I was fully lucid and able to tell the person I was talking to that nothing there mattered because it was only a dream. I need to find a way to get lucid so I am not being pulled to certain places in my dreams and I can find spazz to talk to him. Here's to hoping.

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