The shakes

I feel the shakes coming on again.

I had a seizure last night. I had a seizure the night before. But last night, last night was much worse.

I passed through the door of my own volition, for the first time ever. I walked to the spot where Micah used to stand waiting. He wasn't there. As I walked closer to the house, I saw that the stoop was covered in blood and what I think was guts. I heard something running, and saw a white streak coming for me. Somehow Lemminkaenen was able to follow and blocked the white thing just in time. He took the killing blow that was meant for me. We were ejected back into the corridor. I don't think he was mortally wounded. Can the dead die? He let me drift into the third world, where I had dreams of those I most love trying to kill me, telling me that I'm an abomination and a stain on them.

There is a man on the corner across from my house. He stands there intermittently, and keeps walking around the block to be less conspicuous. You think I don't notice, but I do. With your stupid headphones and your beady black eyes. You want me to meet you, don't you? It's looking more and more promising.

I don't want to know these things. I don't want to know a dead man who can stop supernatural entities. I don't want to be responsible for the death of a man who reached out to me. I'm no savior, no conveyor of the truth. I'm an abomination, I don't want this anymore.

I'm shaking. There's another one coming tonight. I'm already so weak. I'm already in pain. Why? Why can't I rest?

The sick twisted freak

I was going to make a post informing you that I got my pills and that I'm feeling better. However, I'm suddenly feeling much MUCH worse. This is an e-mail that I got last night while I was sleeping.

From May 23, 2011

That black box? Yeah, that's my home address. That's where I fucking live. This bastard knows where I live. I'm looking into getting to a hotel for a while. Fortunately I'm moving in about 10 days. If I can, I'm going to spend the least time possible in my current house so that freak can't find me.

Who told him?

Things my Companion Says

So, there is not much to tell you about Lemminkaenen. It's rather confusing when I realized that the person I saw in the mirror at the top of the stairs in my initial hallucination of that area was a woman. He suggested that it was my subconscious that was telling me where to go. He thinks that there might be part of me that knows the answers, but cannot tell me and that has become his job. Everything he has told me has been obvious to him and therefore should have been obvious to me, but for some reason I couldn't put it together for myself. I have a block.

I see him only in the corridor between worlds. He can come with me into the third world, but I'm not sure about the second. I will only know when Micah pulls me through. He can't tell me either, because that's something he doesn't know. So far, the things I haven't heard or honestly don't know he has no access to.

I can feel him. I can't hear him clearly in my mind until I'm asleep, but I can make out faint words of encouragement or whispered advice when I'm awake. He tells me that he has good advice because he's been alive for many more years than me, but I'm not so sure. He suggested more cake when he knows that cake will make me fat :P.

He just told me that cake is happiness and he just wants me happy. Jerk.

Anyway, on a more serious note, he made some sense of Micah's words. He suggested that my previous supposition that the second world is a new world waiting to be filled is true. This was through the information that Micah gave me through the statement of "I don't think that was my name before". Lemminkaenen believes that this means Micah once existed in our world and was taken to the second world by the Slender Man. The statement that "He doesn't care about us once we're here" makes that fairly obvious. He also thinks that it is only my disorder and pills that keep me from being seen by the Slender Man.

The things that Lemminkaenen says he is less sure of and needs clarification is who "The Others" are. He can't tell by the little information that he's been given what they are or what their connection to the second world is. He thinks it has something to do with Micah's statement about time and sleep. He's scared though, he doesn't like that we're unsure.

He also fears The Rat. He doesn't know what his motivations are, but he can tell it's no good. He's suggested that I have no contact with him and stop tweeting back. I happen to agree. However, still, fuck off you freak.

Anything you guys want to ask Lemminkaenen?

Also, thanks Cate for the well wishes. I forgot to thank you before.