Showing posts with label Micah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Micah. Show all posts

Sunday, June 5, 2011

The shakes

I feel the shakes coming on again.

I had a seizure last night. I had a seizure the night before. But last night, last night was much worse.

I passed through the door of my own volition, for the first time ever. I walked to the spot where Micah used to stand waiting. He wasn't there. As I walked closer to the house, I saw that the stoop was covered in blood and what I think was guts. I heard something running, and saw a white streak coming for me. Somehow Lemminkaenen was able to follow and blocked the white thing just in time. He took the killing blow that was meant for me. We were ejected back into the corridor. I don't think he was mortally wounded. Can the dead die? He let me drift into the third world, where I had dreams of those I most love trying to kill me, telling me that I'm an abomination and a stain on them.

There is a man on the corner across from my house. He stands there intermittently, and keeps walking around the block to be less conspicuous. You think I don't notice, but I do. With your stupid headphones and your beady black eyes. You want me to meet you, don't you? It's looking more and more promising.

I don't want to know these things. I don't want to know a dead man who can stop supernatural entities. I don't want to be responsible for the death of a man who reached out to me. I'm no savior, no conveyor of the truth. I'm an abomination, I don't want this anymore.

I'm shaking. There's another one coming tonight. I'm already so weak. I'm already in pain. Why? Why can't I rest?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Micah and Lemminkaenen

I saw Micah again last night. Again, he spoke in riddles. Luckily I was able to bring Lemminkaenen with me and he seemed able to make some sense of what he had to say. He told me I would return to his world "when it was dark". Unsurprisingly night had finally fallen.
He was sitting on the stoop of the house that he's always at when I see him. Initially, he was wary of the presence of Lemminkaenen, but after a brief explanation of who he was and who I believed him to be, he seemed to relax a bit. I could tell he was guarded with what he told me, a bit more than usual, but Lemminkaenen still listened and tried to make sense of what he told me.
I realized something interesting when I first entered the world with Lemminkaenen, he was shaking too. When he looked at me he seemed very concerned and asked me why I was shaking. Apparently it isn't Micah who shakes, it's me. Lemminkaenen believes that it has something to do with where we were. He believes that instead of just another plain of existence, we were actually on another planet and that I had traveled through some bizarre quantum rift to get there. I'm not sure how true that is, but I can only accept him to be right. I have no evidence to the contrary.
When I finally got Micah talking about something OTHER than Lemminkaenen and his presence he told me that time was short and that there were some things I needed to know about where he was.
"Look at the sky [Anomie],"
I looked up and noticed that there was two moons in the sky. "That's interesting," I replied.
"[Anomie] those moons are rising quickly. The dawn is coming soon. The dawn will bring my new name, and I will forget you. I cannot stop them, and neither can you,"
"I figured as much," I glanced at Lemminkaenen and he seemed to be deep in thought. "Who are the others?" I blurted out to Micah, which seemed to interest Lemminkaenen quite a bit. Micah balked.
"[Anomie] you know I can't answer that,"
"Why not?" Lemminkaenen asked over my shoulder. Micah just stared past him, as much as he accepted Lemminkaenen's presence he refused to acknowledge anything he asked.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I'm not entirely sure myself. I can tell you that they have existed always, and will exist always."
"Are they gods?"
"No,"
"Then what are they?"
"I don't know [Anomie]! I only know that they control what happens here and that they should not be crossed. That thing that you saw enforces their law. I also know that those pills keep you isolated from their thoughts. Once the dawn comes, all of their acts will be forgotten by all but a few, and even those will forget their function,"
"What about the Slender Man?"
"He is another of their enforcers, I think. He does what they cannot do,"
"What does he do?"
"I have dreams, sometimes [Anomie]. I see him in them. I see him in your world and I feel him touch me," He raised his sleeve and I saw a hideous burn mark "and then I wake up, screaming"
"I understand, I think. Micah, all the legends of the Slender Man say that he takes children. Why isn't he taking children anymore?"
"You know. You are the reason. You should know it better than anyone,"
"I don't understand,"
"Think hard [Anomie]. You'll know soon,"
"I hope,"
"[Anomie] please remember your pills. I'd like to see the dawn. Wake up,"
I didn't wake up, but I was once again launched out out the second world. Instead, I found myself sitting in the corridor between the worlds with Lemminkaenen. He looked thoughtful.
"[Anomie] do you know what he meant?"
"No,"
"I believe that what he told you is that people like you are the reason Slender Man is taking adults. He can't see you. Remember that your epilepsy started when you were thirteen? Those pills keep you from being seen by the Slender man, and I'm sure that whatever "The Others" are, they can't see you either,"
"So they are gods?"
"Perhaps that's the best word for them. I think that's what my era would have called them. I think that's the only word that you have that fits them. The one thing I now know for sure is that the Slender Man does drag people to that side, and he does it for the others,"
"Why?"
"I need to think about it. Let me have a few nights to think it over. I have an idea but I have to work on how to say it,"
"What's this about the dawn?"
"Give me a few days. Don't you have some papers to write?"
And I woke up.
I do have papers to write, and that's why this entry is kinda late. As soon as I hear from Lemminkaenen again you'll know.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Things my Companion Says

So, there is not much to tell you about Lemminkaenen. It's rather confusing when I realized that the person I saw in the mirror at the top of the stairs in my initial hallucination of that area was a woman. He suggested that it was my subconscious that was telling me where to go. He thinks that there might be part of me that knows the answers, but cannot tell me and that has become his job. Everything he has told me has been obvious to him and therefore should have been obvious to me, but for some reason I couldn't put it together for myself. I have a block.

I see him only in the corridor between worlds. He can come with me into the third world, but I'm not sure about the second. I will only know when Micah pulls me through. He can't tell me either, because that's something he doesn't know. So far, the things I haven't heard or honestly don't know he has no access to.

I can feel him. I can't hear him clearly in my mind until I'm asleep, but I can make out faint words of encouragement or whispered advice when I'm awake. He tells me that he has good advice because he's been alive for many more years than me, but I'm not so sure. He suggested more cake when he knows that cake will make me fat :P.

He just told me that cake is happiness and he just wants me happy. Jerk.

Anyway, on a more serious note, he made some sense of Micah's words. He suggested that my previous supposition that the second world is a new world waiting to be filled is true. This was through the information that Micah gave me through the statement of "I don't think that was my name before". Lemminkaenen believes that this means Micah once existed in our world and was taken to the second world by the Slender Man. The statement that "He doesn't care about us once we're here" makes that fairly obvious. He also thinks that it is only my disorder and pills that keep me from being seen by the Slender Man.

The things that Lemminkaenen says he is less sure of and needs clarification is who "The Others" are. He can't tell by the little information that he's been given what they are or what their connection to the second world is. He thinks it has something to do with Micah's statement about time and sleep. He's scared though, he doesn't like that we're unsure.

He also fears The Rat. He doesn't know what his motivations are, but he can tell it's no good. He's suggested that I have no contact with him and stop tweeting back. I happen to agree. However, still, fuck off you freak.

Anything you guys want to ask Lemminkaenen?

Also, thanks Cate for the well wishes. I forgot to thank you before.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A short update

So, I'm just updating for the sake of updating.

First, health wise I'm feeling better. I think I had a cold. Now I'm just dealing with those good ole' seasonal allergies. That is taken care of very simply by some benedryl (my bestest friend) at night. Other than the mild reaction to the horror that is spring, I'm okay. I must have been doing sit-ups in my sleep though because my abs are killing me.

Second, I was thinking about what Micah told me. The whole thing about time and death. If you haven't guessed by the name of my journal, I'm a big fan of H.P. Lovecraft. It hit me while I was doing my usual routine of nothing this morning. A great quote that anyone who has even heard of Lovecraft would know:

That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die.

I don't know why that occurred to me. I've long considered that Lovecraft's use of dreams in his stories might have meant more than just the musings of a creative mind. I don't believe in Cthulhu, but I do believe that the mind can travel and that there are worlds beyond our own that can be attained. It's stupid spiritualist bullshit, but if you'd seen what I've seen you would know the feeling.

Third, the whole "Lemminkaenen" thing is bothering me. I was thinking about the old Finnish mythology that considered the soul as being able to leave the body and that epileptic fits are when the soul goes wandering. What if, while a soul was wandering, another entity could inhabit the body? I couldn't have been shaking when I wrote that note. I also have no recollection of doing it. I've told you that when I first come back from a seizure my body doesn't always feel like my own. What if I take a backseat when my own consciousness was weakened? What if there was something else that could drive me? I don't believe in possession, but I do believe in the subconscious. I don't want to believe I'm being possessed, but I also don't want to believe that my mind is hiding things from me.

Any thoughts?

Friday, April 15, 2011

I saw Micah

I saw him again. I was so happy. However, what he had to say ruined that fairly swiftly.

I came, as I always do, from the side of the house facing the main road. I saw him sitting on the front stoop picking petals off of a flower. When he looked up he took a beat to look at me. A moment later he was running towards me.
"What did you do?" he shouted as he came to a stop.
"What?" I replied, puzzled.
"Why did you forget your pills?" He was shaking, and it was hard to understand him. I grabbed his arm and he stopped.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"I could see you coming. I could hear your thoughts in this world. You can never miss those pills, you can never have seizures [Anomie]! He'll find you!"
"Who will find me?"
"I can't tell you that. That's what you have to figure out. I need you to understand. You CANNOT forget those pills. Ever. Promise me,"
"What?"
"Promise me, [Anomie]!"
"I promise,"
"Good. Now walk with me," he said as we began to walk towards the neighborhood where I had seen the white thing. I hesitated.
"Come on. Don't worry. The wraith is gone. It found what it was looking for,"
"The goatee man?"
"Yes. He was a heretic. He chose the wrong trespasser to warn, and was killed for the trouble. He tried to use you to bargain, but you were too quick. You must remember those pills [Anomie] for the sake of us both,"
"Okay," We were now in front of the house of the man who had tried to use me as a shield. The windows were broken out, and there was what looked like blood on the front stoop. Micah just looked at me. I nodded. I got the message.
"[Anomie] what happens to time when we are asleep?"
"It passes,"
"How do we know?"
"Because the numbers on the clock change, and the sun rises,"
"How do we know when time ends?"
"Time never ends. Time is eternal,"
"Then what is death?"
"What?"
"If time is eternal, what is death?"
"What are you trying to tell me?"
"If time is eternal, then death will not end it. If death will not end time, then what happens to time when all people on Earth die? Time cannot stop, there must always be time keepers,"
"I don't know what you're saying!" I cried, tears in my eyes. I had no idea what he was trying to tell me.
"What color is the sky now, [Anomie]?"
I looked up, expecting the same twilight I had always experienced. Instead, the sky was darker, as if the sun was finally setting. "It's almost dark,"
"Yes, it's almost dark. I will see you again when it's dark. Wake up,"

And, as with the last meeting between Micah and I, I was ejected out of the dream. What the hell is all this about time and death? I can't even figure out what he's talking about. No matter how much I think on it. I dunno, I'm tired and have some sort of cold. I need to sleep. I'm open to any ideas.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

A new name for an old friend

I saw him again. It was in the same place as before. He approached me and smiled. "Welcome back [Anomie]. I've been calling for you for quite some time."
"I know, I couldn't find my way back."
"Understandable. Sometimes the door is hard to find in the dark. Walk with me."
He began walking towards the woods behind my parents' house. I noticed that he was shaking hard and having trouble walking straight. I walked up behind him and grasped his hand to make him stop shaking. He smiled at me and began to speak.
"[Anomie] what do you think of the sky?"
It was twilight, as always, so I told him it was beautiful.
"But you didn't even look at it,"
"I know what the sky looks like,"
"Just look,"
I glanced up and noticed that there were two suns. I was speechless.
"You'd never see anything like that on Earth. It really is quite lovely. I can't wait to see the sunrise,"
"Does the sun never rise here?"
"Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies,"
"What?"
"I will lie if I have to, but I don't want to. I don't want you to believe lies when you are desperately seeking the truth. You never know who's listening here,"
I looked to my right and about 50 yards off was the Slender Man just standing and watching. I gasped, not out of fear, but more out of surprise. He was just standing in a neighbor's backyard with that curious look on his non-face.
"Not him. Once we're here he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care about me, and he can't see you. He wants to know why. He doesn't want you, he just wants an answer. It's the Others I'm worried about,"
"Who are the others?"
"Ask me no questions. . ."
"Fine. Can you tell me your name?"
"I don't have one yet,"
"What?"
"Until the sun rises I won't have a name,"
"Should I keep calling you spazz?"
"I wouldn't prefer it,"
"Then what should I call you?"
"Whatever you'd like,"
I thought for a moment, and before I could really choose one of the names I had listed in my head I blurted out "Micah. I'll call you Micah,"
"I won't argue. That is a fairly nice name. I don't think it was what I was called before, but I don't mind,"
"What do you mean before?"
"Not now. Wake up,"
And I woke up. I'm a little bit pissed at spazz, now Micah, because I'm sure he's the one that forced me out, and I don't know why. I also don't know how to get back to him again. Amazingly frustrating, finally getting to him and getting denied the answers that I want. I suppose I need to find a way to ask him questions in some roundabout way that will throw whomever "the Others" are off. If anyone who reads this has an idea please tell me. At least I learned a little, and have a real name for my friend.

P.s: Whoever keeps e-mailing me, if you've got something to say sat it in plain English. If it's important enough to send me two e-mails a day you might want to tell me straight up. I don't do cryptography.